My’ daughter asked me this week why I don’t go to work like daddy everyday. She is keen to go to the after school club with her friends but doesn’t need to as I pick her up every day, which now seems to be to her dismay. I explained to her that she is lucky to have me drop her and her brothers off to school and nursery every day and to be picked up as my mum couldn’t as she HAD to work as we were a one parent family and I had to make my own way there and back. I did however get to see my mum drive past me in the morning on her way back from night shift and then again when I hopped into bed with her for an hour before she had to get up and leave again! My daughter still doesn’t really see the up side for her but she will when she has children.
However before then I am sure she will come up against the dilemma of whether to have a career before or after children. I worked for 6 years before I had my first child but not in the one job or career as I travelled to the UK during this time. I was lucky enough intially to have been with the one company for several years when I got pregnant, so my maternity leave pay was very good but they did want me back within 3 months which was not good. I wasn’t ready. My hormones were still all over the place and whilst on maternity leave a new MD tried to alter my contract for the worst, which made me very paranoid and scared for my job. I was right to be worried as everything had turned on its head when I returned and new protocol had changed my earning potential greatly which in turn led to me becoming very disillusioned. I didn’t return from this disillusionment and left that job.
I was lucky as my husband earned and still does earn a good income which allows me to feel able to stay home with the kids. However the issue still remains that if I can’t get the business I am developing off the ground then I will need to look for work which scares the f**k out of me as who is going to hire a mum of 3 who has been home for over 7 years. My work confidence is very low and my business networking is nearly non-existant, except for some old colleagues trying to use my husbands connections to bolster their own businesses. I work with my vintage clothing which is a great little part-time job from home and my daughter sees me doing this daily but I still don’t want her to think that just because you have kids you are bound to the house. I feel that I am a great and strong role model for her but does she see me being a stay at home mum as a negative compared to those kids whose mums work? I don’t think I really want to know that answer.
I am happy to be with them mostly but not having a solid career to return to is quite scarey but I suppose I just have to remember that not having the kids but a great career would be more scarey!
