What Mummy Did Next

WEEK 39- Kids but no Career

traceyeker — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 19:29:23 +0000

My’ daughter asked me this week why I don’t go to work like daddy everyday. She is keen to go to the after school club with her friends but doesn’t need to as I pick her up every day, which now seems to be to her dismay. I explained to her that she is lucky to have me drop her and her brothers off to school and nursery every day and to be picked up as my mum couldn’t as she HAD to work as we were a one parent family and I had to make my own way there and back. I did however get to see my mum drive past me in the morning on her way back from night shift and then again when I hopped into bed with her for an hour before she had to get up and leave again! My daughter still doesn’t really see the up side for her but she will when she has children.

However before then I am sure she will come up against the dilemma of whether to have a career before or after children. I worked for 6 years before I had my first child but not in the one job or career as I travelled to the UK during this time. I was lucky enough intially to have been with the one company for several years when I got pregnant, so my maternity leave pay was very good but they did want me back within 3 months which was not good. I wasn’t ready. My hormones were still all over the place and whilst on maternity leave a new MD tried to alter my contract for the worst, which made me very paranoid and scared for my job. I was right to be worried as everything had turned on its head when I returned and new protocol had changed my earning potential greatly which in turn led to me becoming very disillusioned. I didn’t return from this disillusionment and left that job.

I was lucky as my husband earned and still does earn a good income which allows me to feel able to stay home with the kids. However the issue still remains that if I can’t get the business I am developing off the ground then I will need to look for work which scares the f**k out of me as who is going to hire a mum of 3 who has been home for over 7 years. My work confidence is very low and my business networking is nearly non-existant, except for some old colleagues trying to use my husbands connections to bolster their own businesses. I work with my vintage clothing which is a great little part-time job from home and my daughter sees me doing this daily but I still don’t want her to think that just because you have kids you are bound to the house. I feel that I am a great and strong role model for her but does she see me being a stay at home mum as a negative compared to those kids whose mums work? I don’t think I really want to know that answer.

I am happy to be with them mostly but not having a solid career to return to is quite scarey but I suppose I just have to remember that not having the kids but a great career would be more scarey!

WEEK 40-Last Chance Saloon

traceyeker — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 09:57:59 +0000

Well the weather is closing in and it is dark by about 4pm which means I really feel like putting the kids to bed by 5pm but as this can’t happen then I will just have to have a glass of wine earlier than usually scheduled. My business plan is motoring along nicely with all the webspace purchased and my web developer partner man starting work this week. It is really scarey though having to deal with accountants, lawyers, business plan developers etc and forking out money that you hope you will see again. I have had a business before but that was sold and not on the same scale as this one and I am seeing this venture as a ‘Last Chance Saloon’ I suppose. I don’t even want to think of it not happening as having to work for someone else is not even on my agender-maybe I will have to have another baby! That is not really going to happen either – well not with my husband anyway, as he takes great delight in telling me!

I suppose I am on a little downer at the moment and all negative thoughts are invading my brain. I will blame it on the dreary Scottish weather or SIDS, that seems to be the reason alot of people are using these days and it is probably true.

Week 41- FEEL LIKE A SCHOOL GIRL AGAIN!

traceyeker — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 10:06:43 +0000

This week has opened up my eyes alot to how I saw my high school days. I loved it most of the time but like most gorky teenagers I had alot of days where I felt I didn’t fit in as girls are very clicky and bitchy and half the time I was probably a bad offender as well. However my last year of high school in 1989 (oh how time flies!), was my worst as my friends turned 18 and I was still underage, with a tyrannically protective mother, and they were getting their driving licences and going to night clubs and drinking which created a whole new bonding experience for them. This made me feel like an outsider and my best friend became one of those girls and I then was relegated to some black hole that didn’t have a best or close friend. Those awful feelings have stayed with me for the past 20 years and only earlier this year did I get a chance to vent them on the girl who I wholly blamed for them. I got in contact with her when our parents met up and exchanged our details. Karma unfortunately bit her on the arse the year after our final year of high school and funnily enough karmic revenge doesn’t feel that good and her and I are on good terms now and when I talk to her it really is as if we are those teenage kids again-I love it. Best of all our 20 year re-union has just been. I wasn’t able to go as firstly I didn’t know it was happening as the organiser wasn’t able to get hold of me and secondly I now live on the other side of the world.

However I have been in contact with many of them over the internet and seen photos which has funnily enough brought back the good belly aching, laughy moments that I had with these girls and not the ones that have lodged in an ugly part of my mind for the past 2 decades. We have all changed and my black thoughts of my last year probably won’t even register with those girls so my nostalgia has helped them start to fade and this has been a great relief and now I just want to know what everyone has been up to and would love to fly home to meet some again as living in someone elses country is sometimes quite lonely.

Week 42- Italian Stallion will have to wait!

traceyeker — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 16:47:32 +0000

Last week, which is when this post was due, was another eye opener for me. I have taken on too much as something has had to be ditched and yes it is my Italian studies or as we like to say ‘Mio non e studentessa di italiano’. This is a shame but doing it twice a week was giving me a facial twitch due to the anxiety of having to study everyday and fit everything else in, so it was either that or stop feeding the kids as I didn’t have enough time for both!! I don’t feel like a drop out however I won’t be chatting up any Italian Stallions in the near future- boo hoo!

My business start-up meeting went really well though on Friday and was given the green light by my advisor and have now started putting market research together for possible investors. The extra serious grown-up stuff starts now and was told by my advisor that I would have to start giving alot of my attention to this project and that Italian study should be cast aside for it.

Now the mummy brain needs to excel which is tricky as it has been in a haze of bottom wiping, fish finger cooking and lego cleaning.

Week 43- Too cool for school- so it seems!

traceyeker — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 12:19:11 +0000

This week I have had a lightening bolt about one possible path I have mentioned with regards to a new career. I have decided that becoming a Speech Therapist is no longer on the cards. Just going to Italian classes twice a week has shown me the time committment you need to give to studying and that is only for an adult education class. Adding many more subjects, exams, essays etc over a 4 year period is ludicrous with 3 kids and a Husband to play and look after.

So I suppose that makes my future choice a little clearer but it also means that I am studying Italian for fun now as it was a precursor to getting into Uni. Oh well this is what this time is for and at least now I can concentrate more on the other options including the business plan that I have been hatching. I now have a business partner and am off the business enterprise on Friday for formal talks with them. Really very exciting! I would love for this to really work and in 5 -10 years be able to support my family and let my Husband decide what he would like to do for the rest of his day that he actually enjoys and not just does.

I will let you know about Fridays outcome then.

Week 44- UBER home mum vs. Working Mum

traceyeker — Sat, 17 Oct 2009 18:14:57 +0000

My posts seem to come later and later in the week as LIFE gets in the way of my thoughts.

During the week though I met up with another mum who has given up her training career while looking after her 2 kids and the vibe I got from listening to her, was that even though she has made the decision to go back to work next year, when her youngest starts school, it doesn’t come with an honest leap and jump. By this I mean, if you listen to mums in general when they talk about their day-to-day lives, they invariably hit the topic of wanting time to themselves and how exciting it will be to get back to the adult working world. However this never seems to ring totally true as there is a little demon which niggles inside of them, tugging on their KID strings. It makes them feel that fleeing the nest may not be as easy as what they think it will be and that maybe this is the first step in your kid’s life where they will start to get used to you not being in the faces 24/7 and this I think causes some separation issues for mums.

I know that trying to start up a new company sounds very glamorous in conversation with other people, however I have been down this road before and made plenty of mistakes which I am determined not to repeat. However being away on client visits and not having all the time in the world to mill around with the kids is not as tasty as what is feels like it should be. I haven’t been my own person for a very long time and when I try to pull back some ME time and space, I end up feeling guilty as it was my decision to sign up to Motherhood and therefore I shouldn’t want to hide from it sometimes. I just hope that I am not going to end up trading in one guilty feeling of not always being stay-at-home mum but at least being there for the guilt of a working mum which is constantly splayed across magazines as being a poor choice for your family.

I think I will just grab a bar of chocolate, glass of wine and slip into a bath with the door locked to contemplate all this in selfish silence!

Week 45-Jack of all trades

traceyeker — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 15:17:41 +0000

I have now started my Italian language course at Uni. What a mental bender it is! I sit there for 2 hours straight and feel as though I am being shot continuously in the head. I even seem to be sleeping it as everytime I wake up I am mumbling to myself in Italian. The thing that makes me anxious in the class and has put me off doing this in the past, is when the teacher fires questions at you and you know you know the answer but you turn into a bumbling moron and feel everyone’s eyes boring into your flesh, thinking that they are glad is isn’t them. I know it will get easier but at the moment my brain is fizzing but at least I am one step closer to achieving the Uni course I am interested in if that is the path I eventually choose.

On the other hand my two business plans are running smoothly with a quote and ideas coming back from the techy guys. Even though there seems to be competition out there on both fronts they have missed some great ideas and add ons which I hope we can take advantage of. More to come as we progress but it is exciting, however it does seem quite surreal as well to think that maybe one or both of these ideas will take off and I might end up being the successful business person I have thought about. Currently I sit at being a Jack of all trades but a master of none.

The poor kids haven’t had much time with either Hubby or me this past week as he has been all over the country and I have just been all over the place, which is usually a mothers weekly routine anyway. In fact I haven’t seen my Hubby either. For all I know he has 3 mistresses and a host of other kids, well that would be his bad luck if it was true as I hink one woman nagging at you would be bad enough let alone dealing with more!

Week 46-What happened to heaving boobs & lust?

traceyeker — Sat, 03 Oct 2009 09:17:25 +0000

Once again a whirlwind week where you try to sit back and think what eventful things have happened and all you can really remember is that you did 20 loads of washing, agonized over getting the mound of ironing done that is burgeoning the storage cupboard doors, feeding children and trying to stop the onslaught of red mould marching its way to victory across your bathroom!

No matter how I try to change the way I approach a new week it really just ends the same and this is really disappointing. I don’t mean to sound all down but unless you have something like a holiday to look forward to then day-to-day life really does seem a drag. The one things that does bring life to each week for me though is when one of the kids stops yelling at the top of its voice and does something new, like play their very first violin tune or calls the rising of bread MAGIC. That when I realise that the day-to-day hum drum of a stay at home mum is worth it.

A small fraction of my week did consist of getting further along with my 2 business plans. However waking up in the morning is not filled with looking up at my husband wanting to jump his bones with lustful wanting and heaving breasts but more with pushing his morning breath face away and telling him to shut-up as it is the weekend and there is no need to get up at the crack of dawn to do a bloody crossword, because as soon as my eyes open my mind goes to the business plans and all my sleepy bliss is basically shot to shit!

No rest for the millionaire lurking inside of us I suppose. Maybe one day in the distant future my breasts will be heaving for my Hubby once again as money and day-to-day issues will not be a problem as our housekeeper, chef and gardener will have it all under control!.

Week 47- Mummy will ATTEMPT to squeeze into size 8 SUPER WOMAN UNIFORM!

traceyeker — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 09:01:14 +0000

WOW! When it rains it definitely pours. I have had 3 business plans swimming around my head this week. I did manage to put a previous business plan that Hubby and I put together a while ago, back on the table. We are going to work on it over the next week and then take it to Business Enterprise to see what they say.

The other idea was put to me by my brother-in-law and I am really excited about it. We are starting to work on it and the more we speak about it the more exciting it becomes. If it does go all the way it will mean a lot of travelling and being away from home but I think it is MY time and therefore it will mean a few sacrifices to the family for the long term benefit. From having my own business in the past I hope that the lessons I learned, which were costly, will be put to good use. My Brother-in-law is the MAN when it comes to numbers but not so much when it comes to sales and speed and this is where I come in, so hopefully our combination will work well.

Trying to set up two companies at once is very ambitious but one may finance the other as it is easier to get off the ground. The trials and tribulations of these two ventures will no doubt be spewed forth on this blog so a warning that the language my become colourful to say the least!!

So my busy Mummy lifestyle with all its bottom wiping, fight break-ups and school runs will have to be squashed in between business plans, email conferences and meetings, no mean feat with 3 kids or 4 including Hubby.

Everyday Mummy will now try to fit into SUPER WOMAN’S tiny size 8 uniform which is looking quite tight but I am sure there is room to push the extra lumpy bits inside!!

WEEK 48- GROUND HOG WEEK

traceyeker — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 17:43:48 +0000

Why is it that near the end of every week I feel like my head is up my bum? I always feel as though we have all survived it but not really lived it, if you know what I mean. You get into such a routine during the week with school and nursery runs/pick-ups, coffee with other mums, work, meal times etc that you feel as though there is no real need to think, as you just follow the usual plan- A GROUND HOG WEEK I suppose you could say. You are supposed to live each day to the fullest, so they say, that by the end of each week I feel like a bit of a failure as I have nothing major to show for the week past, no new earth shattering revelations, no jumping out of aeroplanes, no climbing major mountains or making new ground breaking discoveries.

I suppose I will have to make do with the fact ‘that the kids and Hubby survived another week’, in itself that is a true miracle!